Last week I had my final exam for Accounting 101, which was a 4 week summer class. My professor was amazing. She was welcoming and encouraging and even brought us ice cream sandwiches to the final. She wanted us to ask questions and help each other so that we would understand the material on a more practical level. I felt empowered when I left the exam, and the email I received from her the next day was so affirming and encouraging.
So on Monday, I began Accounting 102 and it happens to be taught by a different professor. I don't go on any of those "rate my professor" sites, because I think it sets you up to be looking for something (good or bad). You make a judgement before you've even put a face to a name or syllabus. So I just don't do it. Boy was I in for a rude awakening.
As I'm sitting here typing, I realize that I could go in so many different directions with this. I knew that I wanted to talk about how our words have power and my first instinct while writing was to talk about how "this professor needs to realize how powerful her words are." And it's true. I mean she shouldn't be yelling at students so that they're afraid to answer questions for fear that their response might be wrong. I left class yesterday and raced home so that I could cry in the privacy of my own room. She seems to take pleasure in making students feel unintelligent, worthless, and incapable. I don't believe that's the kind of learning environment that CCC is trying to create.
I don't think blogging about how she needs to change her teaching style is really going to do me any good.
What IS going to benefit me is to realize the power of MY words.
Last night I was saying:
"Maybe I should drop this class."
"I can't do this."
"I've fooled everyone, I'm actually really stupid."
"Maybe I've taken on too much."
I'm so quick to point out how other people's words have power. But what about mine? I began speaking negatively over my situation within 24 hours of encountering a woman who happens to be on a section of my educational journey. What can I do to change this? Well, yes, I could drop the class. But I'm not even going to get into why that simply is not an option in my mind. So, instead, I change my words. Right now, I must CHOOSE to say:
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
"I am a smart and capable young woman."
"I am able to learn and grow."
"I prioritize my responsibilities."
"I maintain balance in my life."
"My future holds great promise."
"My worth is found in being a child of God."
If I speak truth over my life, there will be no place for lies to dwell in circumstances. My time and energy are precious right now. Between work, school, physical therapy, and raising a daughter, every minute counts. So I don't have time for lies. The lies zap my energy. But the truth is what fuels me. So bring on the fuel, baby!